After five solid years as a SAHM, I am transitioning back to work.

Two weeks ago, I put my youngest baby in daycare.  My oldest was already in daycare. For the last few days, I’ve been home alone, or at Starbucks on my laptop, or running errands that are much easier to do without toddlers in tow.

Enjoying some quiet time. Alone.

AND IT FEELS AMAZING!!!

Somedays I feel like skipping down the street. Other days I’m hunkered over my laptop at a new coffee shop I’ve found, where apparently there are legions of other people doing the same thing, fueled by caffeine, working working working.

I will admit, initially, I had a bit of mom guilt. I worried about how the daycare provider was handling my two-year-old’s food allergies to dairy and eggs and if she would have been better off under my watchful eyes. I wondered if I should teach her Spanish myself, instead of hoping my Dominican daycare provider would just speak her native tongue to my child.

But the guilt dissipated after a few days. Because I needed a break–from my two-year-old and the never-ending demands of motherhood.

There comes a point and time in Motherhood when you have to get back to who you are, when you start to think more about crafting a life and an identity outside of your kids.

This was the early days of being a mother of two, and looking for ways to grow new hands.

I admit, sometimes I miss the routine of the rat race, leaving the house everyday to catch a train and get on the hamster wheel. And I believe that most moms who work outside the home have maintained a sense of identity because they stayed in the workplace, most by necessity, some by choice. Even still, many of them crave a life off the clock and at home with their families. They talk about the guilt of working too much and not having enough time or energy for their little ones.

And there’s others that tell me, “Girl I couldn’t do it,” or “I don’t have the patience to be with my kids all day every day,” or “I’m really working just to pay for daycare.”

No judgement here boo.

Right now, I’m having a great time with my few hours of relative freedom. I’m kicking around new ideas, freelance writing for some independent news outlets, and growing my essential oils business. I’m job hunting, looking for remote writing jobs, editing work, and social media marketing and content positions.

Mostly, I’m enjoying myself, all by myself. For the first time in years, I’m not worried about pumping breastmilk, or changing stinky diapers, or chasing dust balls around the house.

Too bad daycare is expensive. Otherwise, I could get used to this.